Your Vagina Will Never Be The Same

Last night I was out with a bunch of my girlfriends. Those of us with kids and those of us without. You know the ones. The ones where your childless friends are a bit horrified listening to the stories being told by those of us with children. At one point during the night, one of my childless friends said, “You know…the more I hear stories from my friends about their kids the more I am starting to think maybe I don’t want to have kids. I always thought I did, but…I don’t know…”

Well, my dear friend, you might not want to read these next few paragraphs. It’s a small section taken from my book. The chapter in the book where I talk about sex. And not in a 50 Shades of Grey style. Oh no. It’s probably the least sexiest piece of literature you will ever read. Here is a sneak peek:

Because I had torn and my son was huge coming out, I figured I had to be so stretched out that being inside me would feel like swimming in a pool. Would there even be any friction at all? Of course I asked Yancy about it knowing he wouldn’t tell me the truth. I’m not sure why I bother asking questions that I know he wouldn’t dare tell me the truth. It was akin to asking, “Do I look fat?” He was smart enough to know not to say, “yeah, it feels like I’m having sex with a puddle” and instead assured me it felt wonderful. Just like before.

But let’s face it, your vagina is never going to go back to normal. Does a rubber band go back to its original size after it’s been stretched out? We all know the answer to that one. You can do all of the Kegels in the world, but unless you undergo one of those expensive vaginal rejuvenation surgeries, you’ll be mourning your old vagina as well as your old identity.

Wanna read more? Well, you can! My book is available on paperback! So excited. And I could use all the support I could get. Really, I could. Here’s where to go or you can click on the cover on the side.

 

This entry was posted in General Parenting, lies of motherhood, motherhood and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Your Vagina Will Never Be The Same

  1. John says:

    I won’t comment on this delicate discussion just state my own dislike with my damaged sexuality with sadomasochism loaths the book “Fifty Shades of Grey”. Not all adults find the sensual sexual power and pain games in intimacy, some learned it long ago at the hands of ignorant parents.

    • Mommy Psychologist says:

      Thanks, John. I’m not a fan of 50 Shades, either, but for different reasons.

      • John says:

        I did need to comment further on what the book Shades of Gray implies. While this topic seems to be an exclusive feminine issue, regarding the reference to the popular book, Shades of Grey, I percieve women as parenting mothers, are either extreemly trivial or naive about the role of sexual sadomasochism in corporal punishment, considered in new DSM-IV as a non psychological pathology it remains a source of abuse damage side effects that is while greatly under reported is extreemly common. It remains illusive in the most prestiges studies like Berkly’s Diana Baumdrinds claiming no harmful effects from child spanking. Only the rare presenting cases for treatment are telling in clinical therapy settings. If the general population only understood how adult human sexuaility is transgressed when interplayed with a child’s developing one using “normative” punishment methods would they think twice before they chose corporal punishment for child disciplinary purposes. I’m very saddened that you Heather wouldn’t at least object to Shades of Grey on grounds it glorifies sexual sadomasochism which has child corporal punishment origins. I believe professional psychologists by default are advocating that a damaged sexuality is unworthy of consideration in the context of child corporal punishment by a parent for discussion. I hope and wish this would be publically addressed some day.

        • Mommy Psychologist says:

          Thanks, John. I know this issue is important to you as you repeatedly bring it up. I just wanted to point out that perhaps you need to shift your perception of thinking of all women as “parenting mothers.” This simply is not the case. It is an erroneous assumption to make. Many women are not mothers. Also, the instances that you describe in your childhood upbringing are not corporal punishment. They are abuse. What you experienced under the guise of corporal punishment is not what most experience. Also, you may want to change your perception of sexual sadomasochism and its relation to childhood. This relationship is not one that has been demonstrated in research. It may be one that you believe is true and feel strongly about but the reality is that many people prefer such practices simply because they enjoy them. Lastly, there is not research within the field that corporal punishment results in “damaged sexuality.” There is certainly research regarding the effects of sexual abuse on subsequent sexual development and nobody argues against that.

  2. Sylvie says:

    LOL. Just bought the kindle edition and looking forward to it. As someone who is trying to conceive anywhere from 2 weeks from now to next month, honestly, I’m kind of scared to read this book! I don’t have friends or relatives who have had babies and who I can discuss this kind of stuff candidly with either. So here goes.

    • Mommy Psychologist says:

      Thanks, Sylvie. You should be scared! LOL! Enjoy the read! Would love to know what you think after you’ve read it.

  3. Masala Chica says:

    I think this whole post was sexier that “50 Shades” – that was a terrible book. Yeah – I am sad that it hasn’t “shrunk” back. Oh well, gotta start saving up for some rejuvenation, I guess!

    (Just kidding. That sounds like it would HURT!)
    Kiran

  4. Miranda says:

    All I can say is – yay for cesarean sections!

  5. Caitlin says:

    I like that phrase “you’ll be mourning your old vagina as well as your old identity” :)
    haha. I didn’t have any tears, but it’s probably because I had a huge vagina to begin with. j/k ;) um, is that tmi for your blog? also, sounds like you were talking to someone i know well. haha

  6. Barnmaven says:

    Did you ever hear my wrecked vagina story? No? Then you absolutely MUST because you know you’re all into the gross.

    So my daughter was a 29 1/2 hour labor, finally came out with a vacuum assist. I had a third degree lateral tear, which the doctor (a woman, of all things!) was highly dismissive of. “Its only a 7.7 pound baby,” she said to the nurse assisting her. “How could she tear so much?” — as if I was not even in the room. The bigger insult, however, was that she stitched too much of my vaginal opening together.

    You know how some guys joke “Can you make it tighter?” post-birth? Guess what…not so funny. At our six-week “OK” we found that my husband couldn’t even get IN, and not only that but it cause me tremendous pain. I finally had to have surgery to fix what she did to me, and it still took me over a year to be able to actually ENJOY sex again.

    Wrecked vagina, indeed.

  7. ElectraDaddy says:

    Well, ummm, errrr, for obvious reasons I can’t comment on the vagina thing since I don’t have one and don’t “indulge” with someone who does.

    “yeah, it feels like I’m having sex with a puddle” – However, I will say this sentence had me terribly confused when I initially read “puddle” as “poodle”. As a gay man, my vaginal experiences are very limited so I was like “a poodle? What the hell?” I did have quite the laugh when I finally realized the word was “puddle”.

    Congrats on the book. I’m going to buy it in the morning.

  8. amber says:

    I have to say that as someone a little further in the game, my vag is fine and yours will be too..The stretch marks do fade in time, and after a few years, it no longer feels like a puddle..I hope that helps a little bit..My body isnt the same as it was at 26, and neither am I. I am thankful for the curves my kids left me with. :) I am sorry to hear about your scare with gus Heather..Hang in there, you are strong.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

The Mommy Psychologist TM