The Easter Eggs are Talking to Me

It’s time to get honest. I have a problem. I am a drug addict. I need help. For real. I am addicted to sugar. Some people have a sweet tooth, but I have sweet teeth. I can’t get enough of anything chocolate. It’s gotten bad. Really bad.

I don’t have any vices. I quit smoking when I was pregnant with Gus. I haven’t had a drink in years. Chocolate is all I have left. If I didn’t run like I do, I would weigh 300 pounds. I’m not even kidding. Three days ago, I gave up all artificial sugar again for like the thousandth time. But it’s nearly Easter and tomorrow at the park we are having a big egg hunt for the kids. What this means for me is that I have bags of candy and other chocolate in my cupboard. And they are calling my name.

I decided to do some research into how bad my problem has gotten. I stumbled upon the 12 questions used to determine if you have a problem with alcohol. I’ve decided to substitute “chocolate” for “alcohol.” Thought I’d share my results with you.

1 – Have you ever decided to stop eating chocolate for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?

Yes. Too many times to count.

2 – Do you wish people would mind their own business about your chocolate eating– stop telling you what to do?

Absolutely yes! Please, leave me alone. I know it is not good for me.

 3 – Have you ever switched from one kind of chocolate to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting fat?

Yes. I consider myself a master in switching.

 4 – Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?

No. But I’m only saying no because I don’t know what an “eye-opener” is.

 5 – Do you envy people who can eat chocolate without getting into trouble?

Yes. 20 year old skinny bitches. I used to be one of you.

 6 – Have you had problems connected with eating chocolate during the past year?

Yes. I consider an extra five pounds a problem.

 7 – Has your chocolate eating caused trouble at home?

Not yet.

 8 – Do you ever try to get “extra” chocolate at a party because you do not get enough?

No. But only because I have not been to a chocolate party.

 9 – Do you tell yourself you can stop eating chocolate any time you want to, even though you keep getting eating chocolate when you don’t mean to?

Yes!! Right now!

10 – Have you missed days of work or school because of eating chocolate?

No. But I would like to.

 11 – Do you have “blackouts”?

No. I wish I couldn’t remember how much I ate.

 12 – Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not eat chocolate?

No. I can’t imagine my life without chocolate. That’s the problem.

If you answer yes to four or more of the questions above, you may have a problem with chocolate.

Um…Do the math. If you don’t hear from me for a few days, it’s because I’m in rehab.


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14 Responses to The Easter Eggs are Talking to Me

  1. Marisa says:

    Is this a milk chocolate problem, dark chocolate or both? I found a great recipe for these chocolate peanut butter balls with honey and a little vanilla. That’s it. Can you do honey?

  2. Tianana says:

    I love how people say, “You don’t need chocolate to live like you need other things like protein”. Are they serious? I feel that a life with out chocolate is not worth living… okay, so I have the same problem. When do we check in to rehab? Can it be Monday – AFTER the Easter Bunny comes?

    • Mommy Psychologist says:

      Good plan, my friend. Good plan. Maybe Tuesday because I need at least a few days to finish eating all of it.

  3. Miss Bliss says:

    It’s not chocolate for me so much as just sugar in general. Charlie just got some less than stellar news regarding his blood sugar thus we are about to become an ice cream, candy, cookie free house. Sigh

  4. I might have hidden my chocolate from others on an occasion or two.

  5. Tara Kamiya says:

    I am so glad to see that I am not the only one that struggles with this.
    I blogged about my sugar drama, a few times.

    I like your blog, hope I can continue to read more about you and your family. Cute Cute Cute!

  6. Marie says:

    Oh I feel your pain! Truly. My secret is quality chocolate. Instead of a whole Hershey bar, I can have 2 or 3 squares of Green & Blacks Dark (80% 90%?) chocolate and feel completely satisfied. My brain NEEDS chocolate, so I give it the good stuff, without all the sugar and other crap. And, most importantly, I don’t let the “other kind” stay in the house more than 2 days after whatever sugar-laden holiday we’ve just endured. Them’s da rules and I don’t bargain or budge. See, if I were an alcoholic, my family would have no problem with, and would be very supportive of, an alcohol free house, so we just have a “trashy candy”-free house. Really. I bag it up and put it in the trash under the coffee grounds and bathroom garbage! Gotta make it gross or it would talk to me very convincingly that just one more mini Crunch bar wouldn’t hurt. Quality Chocolate is good for The Mommie.

    • Mommy Psychologist says:

      You’re my kind of a lady! When I throw it out (which I have to as well or I will eat it all), I have to cover it up with nasty trash too! I’ve never tried the good quality chocolate in moderation. I might have to give that a go.

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